Teacher: In this context, bosom doesn't mean that word that you students like to say so much. It's so painful, I can hardly say it....BOOBS!
Class: (laughter)
Teacher: Yea...someone called them funbags in first period.
Boobs?
Change
Teacher: I'm not going to reveal my political views, but if this Barack Alabama guy gets into the White House, the only thing he's going to change is his underwear...hopefully.
Math class snack
Teacher: The unit vector form tells us...(to student) Excuse me! What are we doing here? Making paper dolls?
Student: Do you want me to throw it away?
Teacher: I want you to eat it!
Hiccups
Student 1: When I get the hiccups, I usually hold my breath.
Student 2: If you hold your breath long enough, it solves all your problems.
Squint
Teacher: We don't have a projector screen, but we're going to overcome that problem. We're going to squint real hard...
Student: That shouldn't be a problem for the Chinese people.
Prom date market
Teacher: The whole point of the stock market is to pick the winners and stay away from the losers – kind of like picking a prom date.
Good looking
Substitute teacher: I'm old, I'm ugly; I admit it. You guys are so good looking.
Boy, to girl: Don't let him see you!
What you're not going to get
Teacher: Does everyone know what social security is? It's what you're not going to get when you're grandma and grandpa's age.
Hot air
Teacher, adjusting AC: Do you guys feel hot air or cold air?
Student 1, pointing to Student 2: Well, he's been talking this whole time, so all we feel is hot air.
Human Inefficiency
PA System: Good morning Barons!
Student1: Whatever....
(PA System continues on...then announcer starts squeaking with laughter.)
Class and teacher: ::sigh::
(Squeaking and hysterical laughter continue)
Class: Isn't someone going to shut her up? Why do we all have to suffer?!
Teacher: This is an example of the inefficiency of human beings.
Student2: Does that mean you're a robot?
Student3: At least her utility seems to be maximized...
Who's the Who? Oh, I know Who!
Student A: I listen to Led Leppelin, the Who...
Student B: I love The Who! What songs do they sing again?
Zombie Labor
Teacher: Trade between two nations is always beneficial.
Student: What is there's only one nation?
-class groans-
Teacher: Remember, we're operating on planet earth.
Student: Yeah, but I'm just saying...
Teacher: Now are you referring to that movie: I am Legend, where there's only one person left? (to self) Although, I suppose the zombies could be economically productive if you put them to work...
Flying Eights
P.E. Teacher: Alright, today, we're going to learn a new dance today called the "flying eights."
Boy: The Flying What?
P.E. Teacher: The Flying Eights.
Boy: Flying Aids? O.o
P.E. Teacher: The Flying Eight. As in number 8. Ocho.
Boy: Oh! Flying Eights! -talks to himself- Hehehe...flying aids...
Pig
Teacher: So back to the women's rights movemnet...
Male Student: Wanna hear a joke?
Teacher: Okay.
Male Student: Womens rights!
Teacher: Wow...just wow. No more remarks like that from you.
Female Student: Yea!
Male Student (a few minutes later): Why can't women drive?
Teacher: Oh no...
Male Student: Because there is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
(Female students become agitated)
Teacher: If I were you, I would flee to Mexico and change my name to Paquito.
Bad drivers
Student 1: Vietnamese people are bad at driving.
Student 2: What!?
Student 3: What!?
Student 4: What!?
Student 5: What!?
Student 1: And Cambodian people.
Utility futility
Economics teacher to sleeping student: Hey! Wake up!
Student 1: He's trying to maximize his utility.
Student 2: You mean maximize his futility. Ooh...I made a funny!
Haircut
Student: Did you get a haircut?
Teacher: Yes, I did. I told the lady to make me look stupid, and she did a good job.
Peanuts
Teacher: What kind of chord is this?
Student 1: That's a pedal-four-six chord.
Student 2: Oh, that sounds just like that movie, with the people running around...and the blanket!
Student 1: The KKK?
Student 2: No! Uh...Linus!
Student 1: Are you talking about the Peanuts?
Student 2: Yes!
Hiking boots
Boy 1: I used to wear hiking boots to school – you know, when I was in elementary school.
Girl: You used to wear high-heel boots?
Boy 2: I didn't know you were a cross-dresser.
Ice cream factory
Teacher: Let's say we're going to build an ice cream factory; what do we need?
Student 1: Ice cream.
Student 2. What? You don't need ice cream; you make it. You build a factory so you can make ice cream.
Student 1: You have to start with some ice cream...and it reproduces.
Morning announcements
Speakers: "Good morning, Barons! These are the morning announcements! I'm Randy, and this is Alyssa!"
Teacher: Who cares!?
Famous Backs
Boy: When I was younger, we went to the Lunar New Year parade also. But a few weeks later after as I was watching television, the parade came on and I saw my dad's back on the screen!
Girl: Wow, your dad's back must be famous or something!
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