Substitute teacher: I'm old, I'm ugly; I admit it. You guys are so good looking.
Boy, to girl: Don't let him see you!
What you're not going to get
Teacher: Does everyone know what social security is? It's what you're not going to get when you're grandma and grandpa's age.
Hot air
Teacher, adjusting AC: Do you guys feel hot air or cold air?
Student 1, pointing to Student 2: Well, he's been talking this whole time, so all we feel is hot air.
Human Inefficiency
PA System: Good morning Barons!
Student1: Whatever....
(PA System continues on...then announcer starts squeaking with laughter.)
Class and teacher: ::sigh::
(Squeaking and hysterical laughter continue)
Class: Isn't someone going to shut her up? Why do we all have to suffer?!
Teacher: This is an example of the inefficiency of human beings.
Student2: Does that mean you're a robot?
Student3: At least her utility seems to be maximized...
Who's the Who? Oh, I know Who!
Student A: I listen to Led Leppelin, the Who...
Student B: I love The Who! What songs do they sing again?
Zombie Labor
Teacher: Trade between two nations is always beneficial.
Student: What is there's only one nation?
-class groans-
Teacher: Remember, we're operating on planet earth.
Student: Yeah, but I'm just saying...
Teacher: Now are you referring to that movie: I am Legend, where there's only one person left? (to self) Although, I suppose the zombies could be economically productive if you put them to work...
Flying Eights
P.E. Teacher: Alright, today, we're going to learn a new dance today called the "flying eights."
Boy: The Flying What?
P.E. Teacher: The Flying Eights.
Boy: Flying Aids? O.o
P.E. Teacher: The Flying Eight. As in number 8. Ocho.
Boy: Oh! Flying Eights! -talks to himself- Hehehe...flying aids...
Pig
Teacher: So back to the women's rights movemnet...
Male Student: Wanna hear a joke?
Teacher: Okay.
Male Student: Womens rights!
Teacher: Wow...just wow. No more remarks like that from you.
Female Student: Yea!
Male Student (a few minutes later): Why can't women drive?
Teacher: Oh no...
Male Student: Because there is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
(Female students become agitated)
Teacher: If I were you, I would flee to Mexico and change my name to Paquito.
Bad drivers
Student 1: Vietnamese people are bad at driving.
Student 2: What!?
Student 3: What!?
Student 4: What!?
Student 5: What!?
Student 1: And Cambodian people.
Utility futility
Economics teacher to sleeping student: Hey! Wake up!
Student 1: He's trying to maximize his utility.
Student 2: You mean maximize his futility. Ooh...I made a funny!
Haircut
Student: Did you get a haircut?
Teacher: Yes, I did. I told the lady to make me look stupid, and she did a good job.
Peanuts
Teacher: What kind of chord is this?
Student 1: That's a pedal-four-six chord.
Student 2: Oh, that sounds just like that movie, with the people running around...and the blanket!
Student 1: The KKK?
Student 2: No! Uh...Linus!
Student 1: Are you talking about the Peanuts?
Student 2: Yes!
Hiking boots
Boy 1: I used to wear hiking boots to school – you know, when I was in elementary school.
Girl: You used to wear high-heel boots?
Boy 2: I didn't know you were a cross-dresser.
Ice cream factory
Teacher: Let's say we're going to build an ice cream factory; what do we need?
Student 1: Ice cream.
Student 2. What? You don't need ice cream; you make it. You build a factory so you can make ice cream.
Student 1: You have to start with some ice cream...and it reproduces.
Morning announcements
Speakers: "Good morning, Barons! These are the morning announcements! I'm Randy, and this is Alyssa!"
Teacher: Who cares!?
Famous Backs
Boy: When I was younger, we went to the Lunar New Year parade also. But a few weeks later after as I was watching television, the parade came on and I saw my dad's back on the screen!
Girl: Wow, your dad's back must be famous or something!
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