Photo Teacher: Class, there are three major perspectives from which you can take a photo.
There is worm's eye, sea level, and bird's eye. YOU move to get the photo YOU want.
Student 1: Worm's eye, sea level, bird's eye. Hmm... very interesting...
Student 2: Wait-but I thought worms don't have eyes!
Worms and their eyes...
Messages from beyond...
Two girls talking about a guy who asked a girl out:
Girl 1: I heard she said no though...
Girl 2: Really? Did she give a reason?
Girl 1: Yeah... she said her grandma wouldn't let her.
Girl 2: But her grandma's dead...
Rain, rain, go away...
Teacher: How many of you guys like the rain?
(students raise their hands)
Student [in intentionally high squeaky voice]:My mommy told me that when it rains, the angels are peeing after a party last night.
Teacher: Is that why you open your mouth towards the sky? Like this? (opens mouth real wide upward)
(laughter)
White people toasters
Student 1 is trying to describe a conventional, pop-out-ish toaster to student 2, while student 3 looks on.
Student 1: Come on. You know what I'm talking about. Those toasters that have slits at the top!
Student 2: Huh?
Student 3: Like, white people toasters!
Crushed Hope
Announcements: Alright Barons, don't forget that tomorrow is modified!
Students: Yay!!
Announcements: (sternly) No, it's not!
Students: Awww...
Women
Class discussion about Sarah Palin after election...
Teacher: Palin just didn't understand her leadership roles if she became Vice President... that's it.
Student: It's because she's a WOMAN, right?
Teacher: (points back at student and nods head enthusiastically as if student had won a million dollars) YES! YES! That's EXACTLY why!!!!!!!!
Powerpoint and Wife
Powerpoint randomly shuts off in the middle of a lecture in class...
Student 1: What the...?
Student 2: Uh-oh...
Teacher: That's ok. -Clicks powerpoint on- It does what I tell it to do. Just like my wife.
Prop 2: Farm Animals
*class discussion about Propositions*
Teacher: I love animals
Class: ...
Teacher: I think they're delicious!
Get Some English Lessons Man
In World History, playing out the Three Estates Game
Student 1 (to King): Discommunicate him! Discommunicate him! Discommunacate him! [in reference to a traitor]
Teacher whispers: Hey student's name, it's EXcommunicate.
Later, during a third estate's revolt against the King
Student 1 (same student as above): King, you put unguilty people in jail!
Several students and teacher: INNOCENT people!
Teacher: Yeah student's name, learn some English.
Oh Canada...
the day after the results of the Presidential Election were announced
Boy: Obama won!
Girl: (disappointed look) I know... Canada here I come!
After the Bell Game Assembly...
Teacher: So I'm really confused about the assembly
Students: Ok what didn't you get?
Teacher: Who were those two guys?
Students: What?? You've never heard of Mario and Luigi and SuperMario Brothers???
Teacher: No who are they?
Student 1: (whispering to student 2) wow that's what we're going to be like in 50 years.
silence
'great' way to get the bell
Teacher: "...this year we need to win the bell game. Look at the seniors, throughout their whole high school experience, we haven't won it once..."
Student: "Why don't we just buy a bell?"
Student adventures
The bell rings and the morning announcements begin as student #1 and student #2 enter the class together.
Teacher: "You're late, get a tardy slip."
Students leave the classroom to get tardy slips. (5 minutes later) Student #1 comes in.
Teacher: "Where's student #2?"
Student #1: Mumbling "I don't know.."
(30 seconds later) Student #2 enters classroom with bell game tickets in one hand and tardy slip in another.
Teacher: astonished "You got tickets!"
Student #2: "Well, it was on the way..."
Class laughter
Prop 4
Government Class just finished the "school" voting during 3rd period. Now students want to vote on some more important issues...
Male Student 1: Mr. (Teacher)! Can we now vote on Prop 4? See what our class would say about it?
Male Student 2: What is Prop 4 about?
Male Student 1: Ahh... it's about abortion- whether it should be mandatory that parents know their daughters would be getting one...
Female Student: (points at Male Student 1) Hey! It shouldn't interest you, since you won't ever be pregnant!
Teacher: YOU NEVER KNOW! It happened on Oprah!
Student: Mr. (Teacher), it was a trans gender...
Teacher: THAT'S TRUE! But still! You never know what could happen...
Class laughter
No Comment
Teacher: "So, my brother lives across the street by the field..."
Student: "Oh, I bet he does..."
Oh yeah?
On Halloween, the teacher is dressed up as an Egyptian queen and is trying to get the class to settle down
Teacher: Hey, you guys! You must listen to me for I am the queen of Egypt and this is my land.
Student: Oh yeah? Well, I'm ___________.
Anticipated silence
Teacher: Nice one.
Brain Matter
Girl: Why do you have that bandage covering your nose?
Boy #1: I had a sinus surgery.
Boy #2: So the bandage keeps thing out so it doesn't get an infection.
Boy #1: It doesn't let anything out either.
Boy #2 joking: Yeah, so things like brain matter doesn't come spilling out.
Girl: Really?!
Boys crack up
Would you like a hearing aide?
In English class, discussing "Oedipus."
Teacher: So, any questions?
Girl 1: Was Oedipus just venting his anger right then?
Teacher: What?
Girl 1: Venting.
Teacher: *cups hands around ear.* What!?
Girl 1: Venting!
Teacher: God, I wish I could hear.
Girl 2 sitting nearer to teacher: VENTING!
Teacher: I heard her!
Girl 2: *timidly* Okay... *averts eyes*
Secret Asian Man
Two guys standing in front of the 400 building after school, waiting to be picked up.
*guy 1 starts singing. guy 2 follows suit.*
Guy 1: Somewhere over the ocean. Somewhere over the sea.
Guy 2: Somewhere waiting for me.
Guy 1 and 2 in unison: Secret Asian Man, Secret Asian Maaan
Mock Trial Fun
The Mock Trial attorneys are deciding who they are preparing their direct examinations on
Person 1: "Hey, who are you doing?"
Person 2 starts laughing
Person 2: "Believe me, I'm not DOING anyone." - clears throat - "But yeah, I'm directing him."
Person 1 gets the joke and starts laughing as well
Person 3: "NO! I'M DOING HIM!!!"
New Seating Chart
Students have been given a new seating chart and are getting to know their neighbors
Student 1: "Hey, what history are you in?"
Student 2: "We're in the same class!"
Student 1: -confused- "Is this some kind of joke?"
Student 2: "No, I'm serious!"
Scary
In P.E learning the rules of tag football
Teacher: And don't put your flag belt in front of your whatever whatever because you don't want to be touched in weird places.
Awkward silence
Physically, eh?
Government class talking about how family contributes to life...
Teacher: Are any of you closer to one of your parents?
Student #1: Yeah.
Student #2: Well it depends...
Student #3: Oh, definitely.
Student #4: Well physically, yeah.
Class: WHAT?!
Horrible Day.
Student 1 joins group of friends exhausted. As Student 1 takes a seat, the 5th period bell rings
Student 1: Omg! Whatever, I'm staying right here. I've had such a bad day. I woke up half an hour late this morning, had two major assignments due today, I had to print my English essay today in class b/c it's due today, I missed some things in Chem because I had to print my English essay, and I have a test next period.
Student 2: That really sucks.
Student 1: I don't even want to know what's going to be for dinner.
Hoow Du Yoo Spel Dat?
In Biology class, presenting organelle projects
Student 1: The nucleus is made up of RNA and proteins.
Student 2: How do you spell RNA?
Student 3: Uhm. R-N-A?
History class or nap time?
Teacher: Class what are your opinions on what we read in the text book?
Class: ...........................
Teacher: Great opinions.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T the F-R-E-S-H-M-E-N
In P.E doing circuit training
Student 1: Ew. I don't want to run with the freshmen. We're so much cooler. They're disgusting.
Student 2 (normally always quiet): Dude, shut up, you're like shorter than all the freshmen.
Teacher pats Student 2 on the back
Teacher: I didn't know you could talk!
Awkward
Students are in Spanish class.
Student: Mr._______, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Yes, but you have to ask that question in Spanish since we're in Spanish class.
Student: Okay, ¿Vamos al baño? (means, "Let's go to the bathroom" or "Can you and I go to the bathroom?").
Teacher: umm well, I'm not going with you...
Class starts cracking up
Student: wait, what?
C'mon People! Use Those God-Given Ears!
In the library, checking out a book
Student Aid: Ok, do you have your ID card number?
Student: No, but I have my number.
Martin Skywalker
Teacher: In the Peasant's Revolt during the Reformation, which side do you think Martin Luther joined?
Student: The Dark Side?
"We're all gonna die someday anyway"
Class discussion about death penalty...
Student 1: In that case then, isn't capital punishment considered cruel and unusual?
Student 2: No! It's not UNUSUAL, ok? We're all gonna die someday anyway! So it's legal!
Mythical Meals
bell signaling beginning of lunch rings. Students get up to leave.
Teacher: Not so fast. I wasn't done talking.
Student: Come on! We're gonna be late for lunch.
Teacher: Lunch? What lunch? Food is a myth...
silence
Dying Teacher!?
Teacher begins coughing violently.
Student: Mr. _____'s dying!
Teacher abruptly stops talking and turns to student with angry glare.
In a stern voice:
Teacher: I'm not dying.
Awkward Class Discussion...
Teacher: Didn't you guys hear about that? There was a girl from Oregon in the news who was riding her bike around naked in public. Many people were questioning whether that was obscene or not...
Student: Wasn't she... cold?
Homecoming Votes...
Teacher: Ok- so you're gonna vote for a Homecoming Queen...
(places all Homecoming girls pictures on wall)
...and for a Homecoming Dork.
(places all Homecoming boys pictures on wall)
Presidential Mathematics
Teacher: As you can see, this diagram is just like our presidential elections--it's totally confusing.
Butter.
Student who participates a lot in class already raises hand eagerly to answer another question.
Teacher: Dang __________, you're like butta today....
on a roll.
Sing along song.
Teacher: Today I was singing all of first and second period.
Students (in third period): ...?
Teacher: What? It's a good way to teach the Declaration of Independence!
Donuts.
Teacher 1 comes into classroom with box of donuts, offers them to Teacher 2.
Teacher 2: No, no, no donuts are bad. Look at what they've done to me.
Student: What?? Donuts make you bald?!?!
Beautiful witches
English class reading Macbeth...
Teacher: Now, these witches are really really ugly. You have to understand that. They have warts, facial hair... dirty nails- they're just real ugly.
(Student raises his hand)
Student: But... SOME witches can be pretty.
(whole class pauses)
Teacher: Ugh... they CAN... ugh...but these AREN'T.
Colorful Conversation.
Girl 1: You like guys?! I knew it, I just knew it!
Girl 2: *In an Arabic accent* I always like the guys.
Girl 1: Let's hope so.
Italian Elephants
Teacher discussing Renaissance Art
Teacher: What is the first thing you think when you see the title of "Arnolfini and his Bride?"
All Students: They're getting married?
Teacher: Yes, but what does the name "Arnolfini" sound like?
A Student: An elephant?
Teacher: No...Italian...
Student: Ooooo. -blushes-
I am Virile
The teacher is giving the definitions for the weekly vocab.
Teacher: Virile. They have many pictures throughout some dictionaries. Next to the word "virile" is a picture of me.
Students blankly stare.
Teacher: "Virile" means manly.
All the students start cracking up.
Teacher: I see no humor in that.
So cold, it burned.
Girl #1: (singing) Yo quiero bailar, yo quiero cantar ....
Girl #2: Start psychoanalyzing my writing already!
Girl #1: I thought you didn't believe in that stuff.
Girl #2: It's because I want you to stop singing.
Girl #3 & Boy: OOOOOOOOO
Girl #1: That was cold.
Girl #3: So cold it burned!
Carpe Diem
Teacher: Who can explain to me what Carpe Diem means?
Student 1: Sharpe what?
Student 2: Your face is what?
Student 1: What about my butt?
Student 2: Who's Carpe?
Knowledge in AP Art History
Boy: What's a wet fresco?
Teacher: A wet fresco looks like a wall that's not dry
Boy: You mean like drywall?
Odd Attraction....
History Teacher: So can anyone tell me why we keep hearing about the Magna Carta? What's the significance? What's so great about it?
Student: Because its sexy.
*silence...*
Chris Who?
Teacher: "So what did you guys do over the weekend?"
Student: "I hung out with Chris Brown."
Class: "No way!"
Teacher: "Who's Chris Brown?"
Cyan
Art Teacher: Cyan, Yellow, and Magenta are the new set of complimentary colors.
Boy: I'm gonna name my daughter Cyan.
Enlightening
After a video
Teacher: Wasn't that video enlightening?
Students: -silence-
Teacher: Okay...well, why don't we turn on the lights, now?
Lights turn on
Student: Now that was "enlightening."
Road trip
Teacher: Okay, you guys. We need to learn how to make graphs correctly. This is a graph of a trip over time, and it's measured in 10 km per hour. Every graph needs a title. What should it be?
Student: Harold and Kumar's Summer Road Trip.
Change
Teacher: Change, Obama says...I think the only thing he can change is his underwear.
And I hope he does that.
Zealous Student
Teacher: "What does the word anteayer mean? Anyone?"
Girl: "Yesterday! It means yesterday! YESTERDAY YESTERDAY!!!"
Teacher: "Good, you're technically right. I think you mean the day BEFORE yesterday."
Class laughs
Girl: flushes "Yeah."
X-rated?
A random picture of braces and elastic bands shows up on the class power point.
Student: You have such a sick sense of humor.
Teacher: You'd think it would be X-rated or something.
Illegal things...
Class is having discussion about having driver's licenses in different states...
Teacher: You can't use your California license when you live... let's say...in New York. After 30 days, you need to go to the DMV and change it.
Student: Well, what if you're like... a college student? Do you still have to change it?
Teacher: No. You can't have a license from California if your residence has formally changed to somewhere else.
Student: No, my uncle lives in New Jersey... and--
(interrupted by class groans)
Teacher: Hey- I'm not saying you CAN'T do ILLEGAL THINGS, but you know...
What's the Plural of Slang?
In a science class...
Teacher (asking a random question): What is the plural of ya'all?
Boy: Ya'alls? -doesn't realize what he is saying-
Teacher: Nope. All ya'all!
Boy: I don't get it...
Spanish Ballet
Student 1: I should learn how to do ballet like you.
Student 2: Oh my gosh yeah! I'll help you.
Student 1: Yeah! Klie!
Student 2: Haha what?
Student 1: Its what people in ballet say.
Student 2: Hahaha you mean plie?
Student 1: Yeah same thing, its all Spanish.
Tricky Poems
Boy 1: Dude, I had to read a poem in Spanish today.
Boy 2: Aw man that sucks!
Boy 1: I know! I was like, I can't even understand a poem in English, how am I supposed to understand one in another language.
Deep insights...
(while looking at a picture in a text book)
Student 1: (points at painting within picture) Look! It's a picture... in a picture.
Student 2: *shiver* That was deep.
Hair Clip
Student messenger enters classroom. Gives note to teacher.
Teacher: [Kyle] your mommy left your hair clip in the office.
Gives [Kyle] note.
[Kyle]: It's my parking permit!
Too Hot
Student enters stuffy classroom after lunch.
Girl: Ohhh... it's so hot in here!
Boy: I'm sorry - do you want me to leave?
How they name spiders
A big spider with red dots sits on a web in front of Mr. Uribe's room. Everyone looks at it.
Uribe: Since I don't think anyone has ever seen this spider before, I'm hoping they'll let me name it after myself.
Student: But then people will be like, "Ewwwww! It's a Uribe!!"
Nervous "Senior"
Boy 1 to Boy 2: "So what does it feel like to be a freshman on the first day school?"
Boy 2: "What are you talking about? I'm a senior. "
Boy 1: -rolls eyes- "Yeah sure."
Boy 2: "I'm serious."
The 2 minute bell rings
Boy 2: "OH NO! Was that the late bell?! I'm going to be so late!" (starts to run)
Boy 1: "Some senior."
Blurry
Person 1 plays with Person 2's camera.
Person 1: I'm going to take a picture.
Person 2: Okay.
Person 1: -squints into viewfinder- Hey. It's all blurry!
Person 2: Hm. -adjusts lens- It looks fine.
Person 1: -squints- It's STILL blurry.
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: -looks about camera looking for a flaw-
"Oh. I just don't have my contacts on."
Love
Person 1: -singing- "Give me a gun and I'll start a war/ if you tell me something worth fighting for."
That's from Coldplay.
Person 2: MAKE LOVE NOT WAR.
If I were gay...
Student 1: Kobe Bryant is a GOD!
Student 2: Like the Jesus of Basketball!
Student 1: I know seriously, if I was gay I would want him like, sooooooo bad.
Wahoo's
Teacher: Okay so I was at Wahoo's with a friend when someone came up behind me, gave me a hug, and kissed me on the cheek.
Student: Who, your mom?
Damaged
Student 1: You know that new "Damaged" song by Danity Kane?
Student 2: Ya, I LOVE it!
Student 1: Me too, (begins singing) "...can you fix my H-E-R-A-T..."
Student 2: Whats a HERAT?
Student 1: Heart! That's what I said, H-E-R-A-T.
Notes
Student 1: I'm so glad we were allowed to have notes on the test.
Student 2: We were allowed notes on the test?!
Teacher: You didn't hear?
Student 2: No.
Student 1: Didn't you see everyone with their notes out?
Student 2: Yeah, but I thought all you guys were cheating.
Parlez-vous Francais?
Student 1: Qu'avez-vous fait pendant le week-end?
Student 2: Who did I do over the weekend?
Student 1: Nooo, what did you do?
Braces
Teacher: Okay what's the answer?
Student: The main character starts out…
Student starts slobbering while saying the answer
Class: Ewwww!
Student: Sorry, I haven't got the hang of this whole braces thing yet.
Student-teacher hang out over the summer
(male) Student: Hey, teacher can I get your number?
Teacher: What?! Why?
Student: Because, aren't we going to hangout?
Teacher: WE? Whose WE? Only you.
2nd week of reading assignments in AP English 4
Teacher: Ok, so you guys should be done with your second book or long book by tommorow?
Student 1: (whispers) Hey, how far are you in your book?
Student 2: (also whispers) Pg. 90. How bout you?
Student 1: Me too. Wait how long is this book?
Student 2: Around 400 pages.
Student 1: Great. Kill me now.
Student 2: Its ok. Just read the whole day.
Student 1: Easy for you to say, I have a concert tonight.
Time Travel in Pyshics
Student: Hey teacher, you want to know how you can time travel?
Teacher: Not this again...
Student: No seriously, I figured it out
Teacher: Fine how?
Student: You know how when you are really bored, time goes by really slow. Well, if you shut yourself up in a closet and bore yourself to death, time will stop and I'll be able to see you yesterday. isn't that Awesome!
Teacher: Oh my gosh. wow.
Student: Hey you want to do it with me?
Teacher: Yeah right, you try it first then I'll see
Coach's wise words
Coach: It's okay to have squeeze and butt in the same sentence as long as you're not doing it.
The old spanish joke...
Student 1: Hey, what do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
Student2: I have no clue...
Student1: NA-ChO CHEESE! buhahahaha
Student2: teeheehehe
What's to be funny about?
Student 1: I need someone to say something funny so I can overhear it. Say something funny!
Student 2: No you say something funny
Student 1: That wasn't very funny but it's going up anyway... You better laugh!
The asian language
Student1: Oh, can you say something in asian...I mean Korean?
Student 2: In asian? Oh wow, you are very culturally insensitive.
Low comedy
Teacher: Can someone give me an example of low comedy?
Boy 1: Southpark.
Teacher: No, I don't think it --
Boy 1: Yes, actually. It's low comedy.
Boy 2: Hey; it's smarter than you'll ever be.
Buff and manly
Teacher: Does anyone have any questions?
Boy: How do I become buff and manly like you?
Teacher: You know, some things are just not possible. You can set your sights high, but don't set them too high.
Starfish
Teacher: So, you guys; how'd you enjoy Prom? Did anyone touch the starfish?
Boy 1: Starfish are nastier than newborn babies.
Boy 2: What did he say...? Oh; I thought he said "lukewarm."
SSW
Boy 1, upon entering the bathroom: Great. I love how it always smells like smoke in here.
Boy 2: It's called Silent Sustained Weeding.
The Study of Afros
Girl: Hey, what does aphorism mean?
Boy #1: I don't know. Hey, what does aphorism mean?
Boy #2: The study of afros.
Girl & Boy #1: ...?
Boy #2: What did you say again?
Boy #1: Aphorism
Boy #2: OH! I thought you said AFRO-ism.
Girl: Is that even a word?
WASC sting
WASC observer, leaving classroom: Thank you; I really enjoyed your class...And, I'm not evil. Bye.
Teacher: Uh oh. Did we give him the impression we thought he was evil? We are so not getting that six-year accreditation.
Star Testing
Girl: What's the point of STAR testing? I already know that I am going to be a star!
Boy: (shakes head in disappointment)
Formal vs. familiar
Spanish Teacher: You use the formal tense when speaking to adults like a teacher, a professional, or a police officer.
Student: So, like, do you want me to "Usted" your mom?
Spanish Teacher: No! I don't want you anywhere near my mother.
Boobs?
Teacher: In this context, bosom doesn't mean that word that you students like to say so much. It's so painful, I can hardly say it....BOOBS!
Class: (laughter)
Teacher: Yea...someone called them funbags in first period.
Change
Teacher: I'm not going to reveal my political views, but if this Barack Alabama guy gets into the White House, the only thing he's going to change is his underwear...hopefully.
Math class snack
Teacher: The unit vector form tells us...(to student) Excuse me! What are we doing here? Making paper dolls?
Student: Do you want me to throw it away?
Teacher: I want you to eat it!
Hiccups
Student 1: When I get the hiccups, I usually hold my breath.
Student 2: If you hold your breath long enough, it solves all your problems.
Squint
Teacher: We don't have a projector screen, but we're going to overcome that problem. We're going to squint real hard...
Student: That shouldn't be a problem for the Chinese people.
Prom date market
Teacher: The whole point of the stock market is to pick the winners and stay away from the losers – kind of like picking a prom date.
Good looking
Substitute teacher: I'm old, I'm ugly; I admit it. You guys are so good looking.
Boy, to girl: Don't let him see you!
What you're not going to get
Teacher: Does everyone know what social security is? It's what you're not going to get when you're grandma and grandpa's age.
Hot air
Teacher, adjusting AC: Do you guys feel hot air or cold air?
Student 1, pointing to Student 2: Well, he's been talking this whole time, so all we feel is hot air.
Human Inefficiency
PA System: Good morning Barons!
Student1: Whatever....
(PA System continues on...then announcer starts squeaking with laughter.)
Class and teacher: ::sigh::
(Squeaking and hysterical laughter continue)
Class: Isn't someone going to shut her up? Why do we all have to suffer?!
Teacher: This is an example of the inefficiency of human beings.
Student2: Does that mean you're a robot?
Student3: At least her utility seems to be maximized...
Who's the Who? Oh, I know Who!
Student A: I listen to Led Leppelin, the Who...
Student B: I love The Who! What songs do they sing again?
Zombie Labor
Teacher: Trade between two nations is always beneficial.
Student: What is there's only one nation?
-class groans-
Teacher: Remember, we're operating on planet earth.
Student: Yeah, but I'm just saying...
Teacher: Now are you referring to that movie: I am Legend, where there's only one person left? (to self) Although, I suppose the zombies could be economically productive if you put them to work...
Flying Eights
P.E. Teacher: Alright, today, we're going to learn a new dance today called the "flying eights."
Boy: The Flying What?
P.E. Teacher: The Flying Eights.
Boy: Flying Aids? O.o
P.E. Teacher: The Flying Eight. As in number 8. Ocho.
Boy: Oh! Flying Eights! -talks to himself- Hehehe...flying aids...
Pig
Teacher: So back to the women's rights movemnet...
Male Student: Wanna hear a joke?
Teacher: Okay.
Male Student: Womens rights!
Teacher: Wow...just wow. No more remarks like that from you.
Female Student: Yea!
Male Student (a few minutes later): Why can't women drive?
Teacher: Oh no...
Male Student: Because there is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
(Female students become agitated)
Teacher: If I were you, I would flee to Mexico and change my name to Paquito.
Bad drivers
Student 1: Vietnamese people are bad at driving.
Student 2: What!?
Student 3: What!?
Student 4: What!?
Student 5: What!?
Student 1: And Cambodian people.
Utility futility
Economics teacher to sleeping student: Hey! Wake up!
Student 1: He's trying to maximize his utility.
Student 2: You mean maximize his futility. Ooh...I made a funny!
Haircut
Student: Did you get a haircut?
Teacher: Yes, I did. I told the lady to make me look stupid, and she did a good job.
Peanuts
Teacher: What kind of chord is this?
Student 1: That's a pedal-four-six chord.
Student 2: Oh, that sounds just like that movie, with the people running around...and the blanket!
Student 1: The KKK?
Student 2: No! Uh...Linus!
Student 1: Are you talking about the Peanuts?
Student 2: Yes!
Hiking boots
Boy 1: I used to wear hiking boots to school – you know, when I was in elementary school.
Girl: You used to wear high-heel boots?
Boy 2: I didn't know you were a cross-dresser.
Ice cream factory
Teacher: Let's say we're going to build an ice cream factory; what do we need?
Student 1: Ice cream.
Student 2. What? You don't need ice cream; you make it. You build a factory so you can make ice cream.
Student 1: You have to start with some ice cream...and it reproduces.
Morning announcements
Speakers: "Good morning, Barons! These are the morning announcements! I'm Randy, and this is Alyssa!"
Teacher: Who cares!?
Famous Backs
Boy: When I was younger, we went to the Lunar New Year parade also. But a few weeks later after as I was watching television, the parade came on and I saw my dad's back on the screen!
Girl: Wow, your dad's back must be famous or something!
Pretty Feeling
Mr. Teacher: Why is it that when guys watch sports and get all hyped up, they get a good feeling in them, but for girls, they go on a shopping spree, like buying shoes, and get that same feeling?
Girl: Because we like to feel pretty in them.
Mr. Teacher: Oh, I feel so pretty in my shoes. They feel so pretty.
Patience
Teacher: Before I taught this class, I thought I had patience. Until, [Boy] here came along, boy, was I wrong.
Boy: I'll miss you,too, [Teacher].
Warmth in the Cold
Teacher: Boy #1, you can go outside in the cold since you're talking so much.
Boy #2: But Teacher, it's so cold out. I'm serious. It's so cold.
Teacher: You can go out there with him to keep him warm.
Happy Smiles
Teacher: Stop talking!
Student: I'm not talking.
Teacher: Then why are you smiling?
Student: Because I'm happy to be here! ^_^
Teacher: Well, stop smiling!
Between Your Legs
Teacher (to student): What are you doing between your legs?
Student (who was hiding his cell phone): Nooo-thing.
Teacher: Uh-huh....They why is your groin area glowing?
Student: (lying) I have a problem....
Walk, don't run
Coach: Okay guys, just walk back to the line. Don't run. Walk as if you're strolling into Nordstrom with your pockets full of money.
Girl: Man, if that was me, I be like, "Outta my way, b*tch!"
U.S. citizen
Student: Are you a U.S. citizen if you're born in a plane flying above the U.S.?
Teacher: You're a citizen wherever you land. My friend from Guam – his mom fled from Vietnam and had him on the plane. They landed in Guam, and he got U.S. citizenship. But his mom spoke Vietnamese, and everyone else spoke Spanish. So...the doctor named him Pedro.
Big Start
Girl #1: What did your mom get you for lunch?
Girl #2: Three tacos, an order of chicken taquitos, and a large soda. I don't even think this will make me full.
Girl #1: Geez, you eat so much! How do you not get fat?
Girl #2: I run and exercise every night.
Girl #1: Oh, no wonder.
Girl #2: Starting tonight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)