Teacher: There's a term to describe this big idea. Does anyone know the term?
Teacher writes on the whiteboard.
Class is doing a warm-up about the effects of cloning and ways it can be done
*silence*
Student: Woah!!! What if ______(student's name) clones herself?? I would just have to commit suicide because then, not only would I be hearing her talk all the time, but I'd be hearing duplicates of her talking!
Economics class lecture...
Teacher: Induction. It's going from facts to theory. Can anyone give me an example of induction?
[Student #1 raises hand]
Student #1: You get all straight A's throughout high school. Therefore, you must be Asian.
(class laughs)
Teacher: Okay... yes, can anyone give me another example of induction?
[Student #2 raises hand]
Student #2: You were born in China. Therefore you must be a communist.
(class laughs)
Teacher: [pauses for a second to think] Can anyone give me an example of induction... WITHOUT any Asians?
(class laughter)
AP Bio class is discussing the last few days before the AP test.
Teacher: Taking AP Bio is like giving birth! It hurts when you're doing it, but you're happy you did it when you look back!
Student 1: (points out) Yeah, but none of us are taking pain killers.
The class mumbles in agreement.
Teacher: Oh yeah...
Student 2: Keep pushing!
Boy pokes Girl on the side.
Teacher: So how many seniors are on this room?
Class discusses the CAHSEE a week before testing.
Student 1: So I have to do this project on Ghandi..
(With all seriousness:)
Student 2: Wait, is Ghandi a sophmore?
Student 1: Ya, he is, and Jesus graduated last year.
Teacher: ...for you to understand this concept, let me give an example using the game pick up stix. Now how many are familiar with that game?
Student: What do you use to play the game?
Class along with teacher: STICKS!!
Spanish class is practicing using their commands and sense of directions in their textbook.
Boy #1 takes Girl's binder during SSR
Student eats strawberries in Teacher's class
Teacher: That is the biggest strawberry I have ever seen. Is it on steroids?
After presenting a group video project in Government class...
Student #1: "Aw... come on, Mr. _(teacher's name)_! You liked our project..."
(laughter in class)
Student #2: "You so DID like it, Mr. _(teacher's name)_. You know you did."
Teacher: (says with sarcasm) "Yeah, yeah... sure I did."
Student #1: "You DID! You were LAUGHING!"
Teacher: "Well, there's really two ways to laugh: one with and one AT."
Class: "Oohhhhhh... BURN!"
Playing Jeopardy for a group project in Government class...
Class: "Miscellaneous for 500!"
Host: "What is Harry Potter's owl name?"
Students raise hand. Picks Student #1.
Student #1: "HEDWIG!!"
Host: "Correct."
Teacher: "The answer to that question should have been, 'who cares?'."
Student 1: *insert lame joke here*
Student 2: That wasn't even funny.
Student 1: Well, you know what? Your butt!
Student 2: What?
Student 1: Your face! Oh, oops. Same thing as the last insult. Buttface.
During the last few minutes of class, the class is having a discussion about learning to play baseball as kids
Teacher: I only found out about a week ago that I've been batting wrong all my life, because we never had coaching like you guys do. We'd just go out on to the feild and figure out what we were supposed to do.
Student: You're supposed to hit the spider, remember?
Teacher: *gives student a weird look* What?
Student: You know. Like, when you're hitting the ball off the tee-thing, you're supposed to hit the spider.
Teacher: *getting irritated* Well, nobody ever taught me to hit the damn spider!
In P.E, playing baseball
Girl 1: Shut up or I'll slap you with this [baseball] glove.
Girl 2: I bet you 2 billion bucks you won't slap me.
*slap*
Girl 1: You owe me 2 billion bucks.
English teacher's attempt in making a joke.
Teacher: Yes, they [humanists] were bringing Greco-Roman back.
*pause*
Teacher: Yeah, I also heard that the original song title was going to be Greco-RomanBack, but his producers wouldn't let him, so he settled for SexyBack.
*longest silence ever to be recorded in human history*
Student: Oooh! I get it! It's a Justin Timberlake's song!
Class: Ooooh. . .