Girl 1: You're so freaking lucky.
Girl 2: Thanks, but why?
Girl 1: Because, you get to look at me right now.
Conceited Much?
Worms and their eyes...
Photo Teacher: Class, there are three major perspectives from which you can take a photo.
There is worm's eye, sea level, and bird's eye. YOU move to get the photo YOU want.
Student 1: Worm's eye, sea level, bird's eye. Hmm... very interesting...
Student 2: Wait-but I thought worms don't have eyes!
Messages from beyond...
Two girls talking about a guy who asked a girl out:
Girl 1: I heard she said no though...
Girl 2: Really? Did she give a reason?
Girl 1: Yeah... she said her grandma wouldn't let her.
Girl 2: But her grandma's dead...
Rain, rain, go away...
Teacher: How many of you guys like the rain?
(students raise their hands)
Student [in intentionally high squeaky voice]:My mommy told me that when it rains, the angels are peeing after a party last night.
Teacher: Is that why you open your mouth towards the sky? Like this? (opens mouth real wide upward)
(laughter)
White people toasters
Student 1 is trying to describe a conventional, pop-out-ish toaster to student 2, while student 3 looks on.
Student 1: Come on. You know what I'm talking about. Those toasters that have slits at the top!
Student 2: Huh?
Student 3: Like, white people toasters!
Crushed Hope
Announcements: Alright Barons, don't forget that tomorrow is modified!
Students: Yay!!
Announcements: (sternly) No, it's not!
Students: Awww...
Women
Class discussion about Sarah Palin after election...
Teacher: Palin just didn't understand her leadership roles if she became Vice President... that's it.
Student: It's because she's a WOMAN, right?
Teacher: (points back at student and nods head enthusiastically as if student had won a million dollars) YES! YES! That's EXACTLY why!!!!!!!!
Powerpoint and Wife
Powerpoint randomly shuts off in the middle of a lecture in class...
Student 1: What the...?
Student 2: Uh-oh...
Teacher: That's ok. -Clicks powerpoint on- It does what I tell it to do. Just like my wife.
Prop 2: Farm Animals
*class discussion about Propositions*
Teacher: I love animals
Class: ...
Teacher: I think they're delicious!
Get Some English Lessons Man
In World History, playing out the Three Estates Game
Student 1 (to King): Discommunicate him! Discommunicate him! Discommunacate him! [in reference to a traitor]
Teacher whispers: Hey student's name, it's EXcommunicate.
Later, during a third estate's revolt against the King
Student 1 (same student as above): King, you put unguilty people in jail!
Several students and teacher: INNOCENT people!
Teacher: Yeah student's name, learn some English.
Oh Canada...
the day after the results of the Presidential Election were announced
Boy: Obama won!
Girl: (disappointed look) I know... Canada here I come!
After the Bell Game Assembly...
Teacher: So I'm really confused about the assembly
Students: Ok what didn't you get?
Teacher: Who were those two guys?
Students: What?? You've never heard of Mario and Luigi and SuperMario Brothers???
Teacher: No who are they?
Student 1: (whispering to student 2) wow that's what we're going to be like in 50 years.
silence
'great' way to get the bell
Teacher: "...this year we need to win the bell game. Look at the seniors, throughout their whole high school experience, we haven't won it once..."
Student: "Why don't we just buy a bell?"
Student adventures
The bell rings and the morning announcements begin as student #1 and student #2 enter the class together.
Teacher: "You're late, get a tardy slip."
Students leave the classroom to get tardy slips. (5 minutes later) Student #1 comes in.
Teacher: "Where's student #2?"
Student #1: Mumbling "I don't know.."
(30 seconds later) Student #2 enters classroom with bell game tickets in one hand and tardy slip in another.
Teacher: astonished "You got tickets!"
Student #2: "Well, it was on the way..."
Class laughter
Prop 4
Government Class just finished the "school" voting during 3rd period. Now students want to vote on some more important issues...
Male Student 1: Mr. (Teacher)! Can we now vote on Prop 4? See what our class would say about it?
Male Student 2: What is Prop 4 about?
Male Student 1: Ahh... it's about abortion- whether it should be mandatory that parents know their daughters would be getting one...
Female Student: (points at Male Student 1) Hey! It shouldn't interest you, since you won't ever be pregnant!
Teacher: YOU NEVER KNOW! It happened on Oprah!
Student: Mr. (Teacher), it was a trans gender...
Teacher: THAT'S TRUE! But still! You never know what could happen...
Class laughter
No Comment
Teacher: "So, my brother lives across the street by the field..."
Student: "Oh, I bet he does..."
Oh yeah?
On Halloween, the teacher is dressed up as an Egyptian queen and is trying to get the class to settle down
Teacher: Hey, you guys! You must listen to me for I am the queen of Egypt and this is my land.
Student: Oh yeah? Well, I'm ___________.
Anticipated silence
Teacher: Nice one.
Brain Matter
Girl: Why do you have that bandage covering your nose?
Boy #1: I had a sinus surgery.
Boy #2: So the bandage keeps thing out so it doesn't get an infection.
Boy #1: It doesn't let anything out either.
Boy #2 joking: Yeah, so things like brain matter doesn't come spilling out.
Girl: Really?!
Boys crack up
Would you like a hearing aide?
In English class, discussing "Oedipus."
Teacher: So, any questions?
Girl 1: Was Oedipus just venting his anger right then?
Teacher: What?
Girl 1: Venting.
Teacher: *cups hands around ear.* What!?
Girl 1: Venting!
Teacher: God, I wish I could hear.
Girl 2 sitting nearer to teacher: VENTING!
Teacher: I heard her!
Girl 2: *timidly* Okay... *averts eyes*
Secret Asian Man
Two guys standing in front of the 400 building after school, waiting to be picked up.
*guy 1 starts singing. guy 2 follows suit.*
Guy 1: Somewhere over the ocean. Somewhere over the sea.
Guy 2: Somewhere waiting for me.
Guy 1 and 2 in unison: Secret Asian Man, Secret Asian Maaan
Mock Trial Fun
The Mock Trial attorneys are deciding who they are preparing their direct examinations on
Person 1: "Hey, who are you doing?"
Person 2 starts laughing
Person 2: "Believe me, I'm not DOING anyone." - clears throat - "But yeah, I'm directing him."
Person 1 gets the joke and starts laughing as well
Person 3: "NO! I'M DOING HIM!!!"
New Seating Chart
Students have been given a new seating chart and are getting to know their neighbors
Student 1: "Hey, what history are you in?"
Student 2: "We're in the same class!"
Student 1: -confused- "Is this some kind of joke?"
Student 2: "No, I'm serious!"
Scary
In P.E learning the rules of tag football
Teacher: And don't put your flag belt in front of your whatever whatever because you don't want to be touched in weird places.
Awkward silence
Physically, eh?
Government class talking about how family contributes to life...
Teacher: Are any of you closer to one of your parents?
Student #1: Yeah.
Student #2: Well it depends...
Student #3: Oh, definitely.
Student #4: Well physically, yeah.
Class: WHAT?!
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