Girl: Why do you have that bandage covering your nose?
Boy #1: I had a sinus surgery.
Boy #2: So the bandage keeps thing out so it doesn't get an infection.
Boy #1: It doesn't let anything out either.
Boy #2 joking: Yeah, so things like brain matter doesn't come spilling out.
Girl: Really?!
Boys crack up
Brain Matter
Would you like a hearing aide?
In English class, discussing "Oedipus."
Teacher: So, any questions?
Girl 1: Was Oedipus just venting his anger right then?
Teacher: What?
Girl 1: Venting.
Teacher: *cups hands around ear.* What!?
Girl 1: Venting!
Teacher: God, I wish I could hear.
Girl 2 sitting nearer to teacher: VENTING!
Teacher: I heard her!
Girl 2: *timidly* Okay... *averts eyes*
Secret Asian Man
Two guys standing in front of the 400 building after school, waiting to be picked up.
*guy 1 starts singing. guy 2 follows suit.*
Guy 1: Somewhere over the ocean. Somewhere over the sea.
Guy 2: Somewhere waiting for me.
Guy 1 and 2 in unison: Secret Asian Man, Secret Asian Maaan
Mock Trial Fun
The Mock Trial attorneys are deciding who they are preparing their direct examinations on
Person 1: "Hey, who are you doing?"
Person 2 starts laughing
Person 2: "Believe me, I'm not DOING anyone." - clears throat - "But yeah, I'm directing him."
Person 1 gets the joke and starts laughing as well
Person 3: "NO! I'M DOING HIM!!!"
New Seating Chart
Students have been given a new seating chart and are getting to know their neighbors
Student 1: "Hey, what history are you in?"
Student 2: "We're in the same class!"
Student 1: -confused- "Is this some kind of joke?"
Student 2: "No, I'm serious!"
Scary
In P.E learning the rules of tag football
Teacher: And don't put your flag belt in front of your whatever whatever because you don't want to be touched in weird places.
Awkward silence
Physically, eh?
Government class talking about how family contributes to life...
Teacher: Are any of you closer to one of your parents?
Student #1: Yeah.
Student #2: Well it depends...
Student #3: Oh, definitely.
Student #4: Well physically, yeah.
Class: WHAT?!
Horrible Day.
Student 1 joins group of friends exhausted. As Student 1 takes a seat, the 5th period bell rings
Student 1: Omg! Whatever, I'm staying right here. I've had such a bad day. I woke up half an hour late this morning, had two major assignments due today, I had to print my English essay today in class b/c it's due today, I missed some things in Chem because I had to print my English essay, and I have a test next period.
Student 2: That really sucks.
Student 1: I don't even want to know what's going to be for dinner.
Hoow Du Yoo Spel Dat?
In Biology class, presenting organelle projects
Student 1: The nucleus is made up of RNA and proteins.
Student 2: How do you spell RNA?
Student 3: Uhm. R-N-A?
History class or nap time?
Teacher: Class what are your opinions on what we read in the text book?
Class: ...........................
Teacher: Great opinions.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T the F-R-E-S-H-M-E-N
In P.E doing circuit training
Student 1: Ew. I don't want to run with the freshmen. We're so much cooler. They're disgusting.
Student 2 (normally always quiet): Dude, shut up, you're like shorter than all the freshmen.
Teacher pats Student 2 on the back
Teacher: I didn't know you could talk!
Awkward
Students are in Spanish class.
Student: Mr._______, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Yes, but you have to ask that question in Spanish since we're in Spanish class.
Student: Okay, ¿Vamos al baño? (means, "Let's go to the bathroom" or "Can you and I go to the bathroom?").
Teacher: umm well, I'm not going with you...
Class starts cracking up
Student: wait, what?
C'mon People! Use Those God-Given Ears!
In the library, checking out a book
Student Aid: Ok, do you have your ID card number?
Student: No, but I have my number.
Martin Skywalker
Teacher: In the Peasant's Revolt during the Reformation, which side do you think Martin Luther joined?
Student: The Dark Side?
"We're all gonna die someday anyway"
Class discussion about death penalty...
Student 1: In that case then, isn't capital punishment considered cruel and unusual?
Student 2: No! It's not UNUSUAL, ok? We're all gonna die someday anyway! So it's legal!
Mythical Meals
bell signaling beginning of lunch rings. Students get up to leave.
Teacher: Not so fast. I wasn't done talking.
Student: Come on! We're gonna be late for lunch.
Teacher: Lunch? What lunch? Food is a myth...
silence
Dying Teacher!?
Teacher begins coughing violently.
Student: Mr. _____'s dying!
Teacher abruptly stops talking and turns to student with angry glare.
In a stern voice:
Teacher: I'm not dying.
Awkward Class Discussion...
Teacher: Didn't you guys hear about that? There was a girl from Oregon in the news who was riding her bike around naked in public. Many people were questioning whether that was obscene or not...
Student: Wasn't she... cold?
Homecoming Votes...
Teacher: Ok- so you're gonna vote for a Homecoming Queen...
(places all Homecoming girls pictures on wall)
...and for a Homecoming Dork.
(places all Homecoming boys pictures on wall)
Presidential Mathematics
Teacher: As you can see, this diagram is just like our presidential elections--it's totally confusing.
Butter.
Student who participates a lot in class already raises hand eagerly to answer another question.
Teacher: Dang __________, you're like butta today....
on a roll.
Sing along song.
Teacher: Today I was singing all of first and second period.
Students (in third period): ...?
Teacher: What? It's a good way to teach the Declaration of Independence!
Donuts.
Teacher 1 comes into classroom with box of donuts, offers them to Teacher 2.
Teacher 2: No, no, no donuts are bad. Look at what they've done to me.
Student: What?? Donuts make you bald?!?!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)