Love

Person 1: -singing- "Give me a gun and I'll start a war/ if you tell me something worth fighting for."

That's from Coldplay.

Person 2: MAKE LOVE NOT WAR.

If I were gay...

Student 1: Kobe Bryant is a GOD!

Student 2: Like the Jesus of Basketball!

Student 1: I know seriously, if I was gay I would want him like, sooooooo bad.

Wahoo's

Teacher: Okay so I was at Wahoo's with a friend when someone came up behind me, gave me a hug, and kissed me on the cheek.

Student: Who, your mom?

Damaged

Student 1: You know that new "Damaged" song by Danity Kane?

Student 2: Ya, I LOVE it!

Student 1: Me too, (begins singing) "...can you fix my H-E-R-A-T..."

Student 2: Whats a HERAT?

Student 1: Heart! That's what I said, H-E-R-A-T.

Notes

Student 1: I'm so glad we were allowed to have notes on the test.

Student 2: We were allowed notes on the test?!

Teacher: You didn't hear?

Student 2: No.

Student 1: Didn't you see everyone with their notes out?

Student 2: Yeah, but I thought all you guys were cheating.

Parlez-vous Francais?

Student 1: Qu'avez-vous fait pendant le week-end?

Student 2: Who did I do over the weekend?

Student 1: Nooo, what did you do?

Braces

Teacher: Okay what's the answer?

Student: The main character starts out…

Student starts slobbering while saying the answer

Class: Ewwww!

Student: Sorry, I haven't got the hang of this whole braces thing yet.

Student-teacher hang out over the summer

(male) Student: Hey, teacher can I get your number?

Teacher: What?! Why?

Student: Because, aren't we going to hangout?

Teacher: WE? Whose WE? Only you.

2nd week of reading assignments in AP English 4

Teacher: Ok, so you guys should be done with your second book or long book by tommorow?

Student 1: (whispers) Hey, how far are you in your book?

Student 2: (also whispers) Pg. 90. How bout you?

Student 1: Me too. Wait how long is this book?

Student 2: Around 400 pages.

Student 1: Great. Kill me now.

Student 2: Its ok. Just read the whole day.

Student 1: Easy for you to say, I have a concert tonight.

Time Travel in Pyshics

Student: Hey teacher, you want to know how you can time travel?

Teacher: Not this again...

Student: No seriously, I figured it out

Teacher: Fine how?

Student: You know how when you are really bored, time goes by really slow. Well, if you shut yourself up in a closet and bore yourself to death, time will stop and I'll be able to see you yesterday. isn't that Awesome!

Teacher: Oh my gosh. wow.

Student: Hey you want to do it with me?

Teacher: Yeah right, you try it first then I'll see

Coach's wise words

Coach: It's okay to have squeeze and butt in the same sentence as long as you're not doing it.

The old spanish joke...

Student 1: Hey, what do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Student2: I have no clue...

Student1: NA-ChO CHEESE! buhahahaha

Student2: teeheehehe

What's to be funny about?

Student 1: I need someone to say something funny so I can overhear it. Say something funny!

Student 2: No you say something funny

Student 1: That wasn't very funny but it's going up anyway... You better laugh!

The asian language

Student1: Oh, can you say something in asian...I mean Korean?

Student 2: In asian? Oh wow, you are very culturally insensitive.

Low comedy

Teacher: Can someone give me an example of low comedy?

Boy 1: Southpark.

Teacher: No, I don't think it --

Boy 1: Yes, actually. It's low comedy.

Boy 2: Hey; it's smarter than you'll ever be.

Buff and manly

Teacher: Does anyone have any questions?

Boy: How do I become buff and manly like you?

Teacher: You know, some things are just not possible. You can set your sights high, but don't set them too high.

Starfish

Teacher: So, you guys; how'd you enjoy Prom? Did anyone touch the starfish?

Boy 1: Starfish are nastier than newborn babies.

Boy 2: What did he say...? Oh; I thought he said "lukewarm."

SSW

Boy 1, upon entering the bathroom: Great. I love how it always smells like smoke in here.

Boy 2: It's called Silent Sustained Weeding.

The Study of Afros

Girl: Hey, what does aphorism mean?
Boy #1: I don't know. Hey, what does aphorism mean?
Boy #2: The study of afros.
Girl & Boy #1: ...?
Boy #2: What did you say again?
Boy #1: Aphorism
Boy #2: OH! I thought you said AFRO-ism.
Girl: Is that even a word?

WASC sting

WASC observer, leaving classroom: Thank you; I really enjoyed your class...And, I'm not evil. Bye.

Teacher: Uh oh. Did we give him the impression we thought he was evil? We are so not getting that six-year accreditation.

Star Testing

Girl: What's the point of STAR testing? I already know that I am going to be a star!

Boy: (shakes head in disappointment)

Formal vs. familiar

Spanish Teacher: You use the formal tense when speaking to adults like a teacher, a professional, or a police officer.

Student: So, like, do you want me to "Usted" your mom?

Spanish Teacher: No! I don't want you anywhere near my mother.

Boobs?

Teacher: In this context, bosom doesn't mean that word that you students like to say so much. It's so painful, I can hardly say it....BOOBS!

Class: (laughter)

Teacher: Yea...someone called them funbags in first period.

Change

Teacher: I'm not going to reveal my political views, but if this Barack Alabama guy gets into the White House, the only thing he's going to change is his underwear...hopefully.

Math class snack

Teacher: The unit vector form tells us...(to student) Excuse me! What are we doing here? Making paper dolls?

Student: Do you want me to throw it away?

Teacher: I want you to eat it!