Powerpoint and Wife

Powerpoint randomly shuts off in the middle of a lecture in class...

Student 1: What the...?

Student 2: Uh-oh...

Teacher: That's ok. -Clicks powerpoint on- It does what I tell it to do. Just like my wife.

Prop 2: Farm Animals

*class discussion about Propositions*

Teacher: I love animals
Class: ...
Teacher: I think they're delicious!

Get Some English Lessons Man

In World History, playing out the Three Estates Game

Student 1 (to King): Discommunicate him! Discommunicate him! Discommunacate him! [in reference to a traitor]
Teacher whispers: Hey student's name, it's EXcommunicate.

Later, during a third estate's revolt against the King

Student 1 (same student as above): King, you put unguilty people in jail!
Several students and teacher: INNOCENT people!
Teacher: Yeah student's name, learn some English.

after lesson for the day was complete

Teacher: Okay you guys, just read or do something quietly for the rest of the period.
Boy begins talking to his friends.
Teacher: Boy's name, either stare at the wall or read! No third option.

Oh Canada...

the day after the results of the Presidential Election were announced

Boy: Obama won!
Girl: (disappointed look) I know... Canada here I come!

After the Bell Game Assembly...

Teacher: So I'm really confused about the assembly
Students: Ok what didn't you get?
Teacher: Who were those two guys?
Students: What?? You've never heard of Mario and Luigi and SuperMario Brothers???
Teacher: No who are they?
Student 1: (whispering to student 2) wow that's what we're going to be like in 50 years.
silence

'great' way to get the bell

Teacher: "...this year we need to win the bell game. Look at the seniors, throughout their whole high school experience, we haven't won it once..."

Student: "Why don't we just buy a bell?"

Student adventures

The bell rings and the morning announcements begin as student #1 and student #2 enter the class together.

Teacher: "You're late, get a tardy slip."

Students leave the classroom to get tardy slips. (5 minutes later) Student #1 comes in.

Teacher: "Where's student #2?"

Student #1: Mumbling "I don't know.."

(30 seconds later) Student #2 enters classroom with bell game tickets in one hand and tardy slip in another.

Teacher: astonished "You got tickets!"

Student #2: "Well, it was on the way..."

Class laughter

Prop 4

Government Class just finished the "school" voting during 3rd period. Now students want to vote on some more important issues...

Male Student 1: Mr. (Teacher)! Can we now vote on Prop 4? See what our class would say about it?

Male Student 2: What is Prop 4 about?

Male Student 1: Ahh... it's about abortion- whether it should be mandatory that parents know their daughters would be getting one...

Female Student: (points at Male Student 1) Hey! It shouldn't interest you, since you won't ever be pregnant!

Teacher: YOU NEVER KNOW! It happened on Oprah!

Student: Mr. (Teacher), it was a trans gender...

Teacher: THAT'S TRUE! But still! You never know what could happen...

Class laughter

No Comment

Teacher: "So, my brother lives across the street by the field..."

Student: "Oh, I bet he does..."

Oh yeah?

On Halloween, the teacher is dressed up as an Egyptian queen and is trying to get the class to settle down

Teacher: Hey, you guys! You must listen to me for I am the queen of Egypt and this is my land.

Student: Oh yeah? Well, I'm ___________.

Anticipated silence

Teacher: Nice one.

Brain Matter

Girl: Why do you have that bandage covering your nose?

Boy #1: I had a sinus surgery.

Boy #2: So the bandage keeps thing out so it doesn't get an infection.

Boy #1: It doesn't let anything out either.

Boy #2 joking: Yeah, so things like brain matter doesn't come spilling out.

Girl: Really?!

Boys crack up

Would you like a hearing aide?

In English class, discussing "Oedipus."

Teacher: So, any questions?
Girl 1: Was Oedipus just venting his anger right then?
Teacher: What?
Girl 1: Venting.
Teacher: *cups hands around ear.* What!?
Girl 1: Venting!
Teacher: God, I wish I could hear.
Girl 2 sitting nearer to teacher: VENTING!
Teacher: I heard her!
Girl 2: *timidly* Okay... *averts eyes*

Secret Asian Man

Two guys standing in front of the 400 building after school, waiting to be picked up.

*guy 1 starts singing. guy 2 follows suit.*
Guy 1: Somewhere over the ocean. Somewhere over the sea.
Guy 2: Somewhere waiting for me.
Guy 1 and 2 in unison: Secret Asian Man, Secret Asian Maaan

Mock Trial Fun

The Mock Trial attorneys are deciding who they are preparing their direct examinations on

Person 1: "Hey, who are you doing?"

Person 2 starts laughing

Person 2: "Believe me, I'm not DOING anyone." - clears throat - "But yeah, I'm directing him."

Person 1 gets the joke and starts laughing as well

Person 3: "NO! I'M DOING HIM!!!"

New Seating Chart

Students have been given a new seating chart and are getting to know their neighbors

Student 1: "Hey, what history are you in?"

Student 2: "We're in the same class!"

Student 1: -confused- "Is this some kind of joke?"

Student 2: "No, I'm serious!"

Scary

In P.E learning the rules of tag football

Teacher: And don't put your flag belt in front of your whatever whatever because you don't want to be touched in weird places.

Awkward silence

Physically, eh?

Government class talking about how family contributes to life...

Teacher: Are any of you closer to one of your parents?

Student #1: Yeah.

Student #2: Well it depends...

Student #3: Oh, definitely.

Student #4: Well physically, yeah.

Class: WHAT?!

Horrible Day.

Student 1 joins group of friends exhausted. As Student 1 takes a seat, the 5th period bell rings

Student 1: Omg! Whatever, I'm staying right here. I've had such a bad day. I woke up half an hour late this morning, had two major assignments due today, I had to print my English essay today in class b/c it's due today, I missed some things in Chem because I had to print my English essay, and I have a test next period.
Student 2: That really sucks.
Student 1: I don't even want to know what's going to be for dinner.

Hoow Du Yoo Spel Dat?

In Biology class, presenting organelle projects

Student 1: The nucleus is made up of RNA and proteins.
Student 2: How do you spell RNA?
Student 3: Uhm. R-N-A?

History class or nap time?

Teacher: Class what are your opinions on what we read in the text book?

Class: ...........................

Teacher: Great opinions.

simplicity

Teacher: Now class, who was the son of Edward the fifth?

Student: Edward the sixth?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T the F-R-E-S-H-M-E-N

In P.E doing circuit training

Student 1: Ew. I don't want to run with the freshmen. We're so much cooler. They're disgusting.
Student 2 (normally always quiet): Dude, shut up, you're like shorter than all the freshmen.

Teacher pats Student 2 on the back

Teacher: I didn't know you could talk!

Awkward

Students are in Spanish class.

Student: Mr._______, can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: Yes, but you have to ask that question in Spanish since we're in Spanish class.

Student: Okay, ¿Vamos al baño? (means, "Let's go to the bathroom" or "Can you and I go to the bathroom?").

Teacher: umm well, I'm not going with you...

Class starts cracking up

Student: wait, what?

C'mon People! Use Those God-Given Ears!

In the library, checking out a book

Student Aid: Ok, do you have your ID card number?
Student: No, but I have my number.