Teacher: In the Peasant's Revolt during the Reformation, which side do you think Martin Luther joined?
Student: The Dark Side?
Martin Skywalker
"We're all gonna die someday anyway"
Class discussion about death penalty...
Student 1: In that case then, isn't capital punishment considered cruel and unusual?
Student 2: No! It's not UNUSUAL, ok? We're all gonna die someday anyway! So it's legal!
Mythical Meals
bell signaling beginning of lunch rings. Students get up to leave.
Teacher: Not so fast. I wasn't done talking.
Student: Come on! We're gonna be late for lunch.
Teacher: Lunch? What lunch? Food is a myth...
silence
Dying Teacher!?
Teacher begins coughing violently.
Student: Mr. _____'s dying!
Teacher abruptly stops talking and turns to student with angry glare.
In a stern voice:
Teacher: I'm not dying.
Awkward Class Discussion...
Teacher: Didn't you guys hear about that? There was a girl from Oregon in the news who was riding her bike around naked in public. Many people were questioning whether that was obscene or not...
Student: Wasn't she... cold?
Homecoming Votes...
Teacher: Ok- so you're gonna vote for a Homecoming Queen...
(places all Homecoming girls pictures on wall)
...and for a Homecoming Dork.
(places all Homecoming boys pictures on wall)
Presidential Mathematics
Teacher: As you can see, this diagram is just like our presidential elections--it's totally confusing.
Butter.
Student who participates a lot in class already raises hand eagerly to answer another question.
Teacher: Dang __________, you're like butta today....
on a roll.
Sing along song.
Teacher: Today I was singing all of first and second period.
Students (in third period): ...?
Teacher: What? It's a good way to teach the Declaration of Independence!
Donuts.
Teacher 1 comes into classroom with box of donuts, offers them to Teacher 2.
Teacher 2: No, no, no donuts are bad. Look at what they've done to me.
Student: What?? Donuts make you bald?!?!
Beautiful witches
English class reading Macbeth...
Teacher: Now, these witches are really really ugly. You have to understand that. They have warts, facial hair... dirty nails- they're just real ugly.
(Student raises his hand)
Student: But... SOME witches can be pretty.
(whole class pauses)
Teacher: Ugh... they CAN... ugh...but these AREN'T.
Colorful Conversation.
Girl 1: You like guys?! I knew it, I just knew it!
Girl 2: *In an Arabic accent* I always like the guys.
Girl 1: Let's hope so.
Italian Elephants
Teacher discussing Renaissance Art
Teacher: What is the first thing you think when you see the title of "Arnolfini and his Bride?"
All Students: They're getting married?
Teacher: Yes, but what does the name "Arnolfini" sound like?
A Student: An elephant?
Teacher: No...Italian...
Student: Ooooo. -blushes-
I am Virile
The teacher is giving the definitions for the weekly vocab.
Teacher: Virile. They have many pictures throughout some dictionaries. Next to the word "virile" is a picture of me.
Students blankly stare.
Teacher: "Virile" means manly.
All the students start cracking up.
Teacher: I see no humor in that.
So cold, it burned.
Girl #1: (singing) Yo quiero bailar, yo quiero cantar ....
Girl #2: Start psychoanalyzing my writing already!
Girl #1: I thought you didn't believe in that stuff.
Girl #2: It's because I want you to stop singing.
Girl #3 & Boy: OOOOOOOOO
Girl #1: That was cold.
Girl #3: So cold it burned!
Carpe Diem
Teacher: Who can explain to me what Carpe Diem means?
Student 1: Sharpe what?
Student 2: Your face is what?
Student 1: What about my butt?
Student 2: Who's Carpe?
Knowledge in AP Art History
Boy: What's a wet fresco?
Teacher: A wet fresco looks like a wall that's not dry
Boy: You mean like drywall?
Odd Attraction....
History Teacher: So can anyone tell me why we keep hearing about the Magna Carta? What's the significance? What's so great about it?
Student: Because its sexy.
*silence...*
Chris Who?
Teacher: "So what did you guys do over the weekend?"
Student: "I hung out with Chris Brown."
Class: "No way!"
Teacher: "Who's Chris Brown?"
Cyan
Art Teacher: Cyan, Yellow, and Magenta are the new set of complimentary colors.
Boy: I'm gonna name my daughter Cyan.
Enlightening
After a video
Teacher: Wasn't that video enlightening?
Students: -silence-
Teacher: Okay...well, why don't we turn on the lights, now?
Lights turn on
Student: Now that was "enlightening."
Road trip
Teacher: Okay, you guys. We need to learn how to make graphs correctly. This is a graph of a trip over time, and it's measured in 10 km per hour. Every graph needs a title. What should it be?
Student: Harold and Kumar's Summer Road Trip.
Change
Teacher: Change, Obama says...I think the only thing he can change is his underwear.
And I hope he does that.
Zealous Student
Teacher: "What does the word anteayer mean? Anyone?"
Girl: "Yesterday! It means yesterday! YESTERDAY YESTERDAY!!!"
Teacher: "Good, you're technically right. I think you mean the day BEFORE yesterday."
Class laughs
Girl: flushes "Yeah."
X-rated?
A random picture of braces and elastic bands shows up on the class power point.
Student: You have such a sick sense of humor.
Teacher: You'd think it would be X-rated or something.
Illegal things...
Class is having discussion about having driver's licenses in different states...
Teacher: You can't use your California license when you live... let's say...in New York. After 30 days, you need to go to the DMV and change it.
Student: Well, what if you're like... a college student? Do you still have to change it?
Teacher: No. You can't have a license from California if your residence has formally changed to somewhere else.
Student: No, my uncle lives in New Jersey... and--
(interrupted by class groans)
Teacher: Hey- I'm not saying you CAN'T do ILLEGAL THINGS, but you know...
What's the Plural of Slang?
In a science class...
Teacher (asking a random question): What is the plural of ya'all?
Boy: Ya'alls? -doesn't realize what he is saying-
Teacher: Nope. All ya'all!
Boy: I don't get it...
Spanish Ballet
Student 1: I should learn how to do ballet like you.
Student 2: Oh my gosh yeah! I'll help you.
Student 1: Yeah! Klie!
Student 2: Haha what?
Student 1: Its what people in ballet say.
Student 2: Hahaha you mean plie?
Student 1: Yeah same thing, its all Spanish.
Tricky Poems
Boy 1: Dude, I had to read a poem in Spanish today.
Boy 2: Aw man that sucks!
Boy 1: I know! I was like, I can't even understand a poem in English, how am I supposed to understand one in another language.
Deep insights...
(while looking at a picture in a text book)
Student 1: (points at painting within picture) Look! It's a picture... in a picture.
Student 2: *shiver* That was deep.
Hair Clip
Student messenger enters classroom. Gives note to teacher.
Teacher: [Kyle] your mommy left your hair clip in the office.
Gives [Kyle] note.
[Kyle]: It's my parking permit!
Too Hot
Student enters stuffy classroom after lunch.
Girl: Ohhh... it's so hot in here!
Boy: I'm sorry - do you want me to leave?
How they name spiders
A big spider with red dots sits on a web in front of Mr. Uribe's room. Everyone looks at it.
Uribe: Since I don't think anyone has ever seen this spider before, I'm hoping they'll let me name it after myself.
Student: But then people will be like, "Ewwwww! It's a Uribe!!"
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