Pretty Feeling

Mr. Teacher: Why is it that when guys watch sports and get all hyped up, they get a good feeling in them, but for girls, they go on a shopping spree, like buying shoes, and get that same feeling?

Girl: Because we like to feel pretty in them.

Mr. Teacher: Oh, I feel so pretty in my shoes. They feel so pretty.

Patience

Teacher: Before I taught this class, I thought I had patience. Until, [Boy] here came along, boy, was I wrong.

Boy: I'll miss you,too, [Teacher].

Warmth in the Cold

Teacher: Boy #1, you can go outside in the cold since you're talking so much.

Boy #2: But Teacher, it's so cold out. I'm serious. It's so cold.

Teacher: You can go out there with him to keep him warm.

Happy Smiles

Teacher: Stop talking!

Student: I'm not talking.

Teacher: Then why are you smiling?

Student: Because I'm happy to be here! ^_^

Teacher: Well, stop smiling!

Between Your Legs

Teacher (to student): What are you doing between your legs?

Student (who was hiding his cell phone): Nooo-thing.

Teacher: Uh-huh....They why is your groin area glowing?

Student: (lying) I have a problem....

Walk, don't run

Coach: Okay guys, just walk back to the line. Don't run. Walk as if you're strolling into Nordstrom with your pockets full of money.

Girl: Man, if that was me, I be like, "Outta my way, b*tch!"

U.S. citizen

Student: Are you a U.S. citizen if you're born in a plane flying above the U.S.?

Teacher: You're a citizen wherever you land. My friend from Guam – his mom fled from Vietnam and had him on the plane. They landed in Guam, and he got U.S. citizenship. But his mom spoke Vietnamese, and everyone else spoke Spanish. So...the doctor named him Pedro.

Big Start

Girl #1: What did your mom get you for lunch?

Girl #2: Three tacos, an order of chicken taquitos, and a large soda. I don't even think this will make me full.

Girl #1: Geez, you eat so much! How do you not get fat?

Girl #2: I run and exercise every night.

Girl #1: Oh, no wonder.

Girl #2: Starting tonight.