Teacher: Student, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher.
Not listening
Flirt
Girl #1: She flirts with everything.
Girl #2: Everyone.
Girl #1: No, everything – even inanimate objects.
Girl #2: Is she like, "Oh, table!" [Strokes table]
Girl #1: Yea, and, "Chair, you're so cute!"
Obesity
Boy 1: Did you know that two-thirds of the population is overweight?
Boy 2: Of course. Fat people take up more space.
Classmates
*Student #1 and Student #2 are classmates and they move to another room for a test*
Student #1: Hey, look, it's Student #2! I didn't know that you’re taking the same test! I haven’t seen you for a really long time.
Student #2 : Dude, I sit next to you in the same class.
Da Vinci who?
Girl: You know that portrait lady thing in The Da Vinci Code?
Guy: Yea.
Girl: Who was the guy who drew it?
Guy: Hmm…I’m not sure. That’s a good question.
Varsity Letter
Teacher: By the time you finish this class, you guys should get a letter like those varsity kids.
Kid: I know for sure I’ll get a letter. It’ll be a big fat “F”.
The Scarlet letter
Teacher: So, did everyone read The Scarlet Letter last night?
Class: *resounding yes*
Teacher (picks student at random): So can you tell me what the letter “A” stands for?
Student: Uh…Abercrombie?
Wet
Teacher: Why does your book look like it’s been wet?
Student: Uh…I kinda fell asleep trying to read it.
Teacher: How does that make the book look as if it went swimming?
Student: My mouth might have been open.
Silent "h"
Student: (before answering a question): Ummmmm…
Spanish teacher: Remember, anyone who says the word “um” before he or she answers a question has to give a penny to the “La bolsa de Um.” Pay up.
Student: No, no! I said “Hum!”
Spanish teacher: No, you said “Um.”
Student: I’m serious! I said “Hum!” because in Spanish you don’t pronounce the “H” sound.
Emergency food
Student: Hey Teach, if we’re trapped in this classroom during an earthquake, do you have any food we can eat?
Teacher: You guys can eat the gum under the desks.
The truth hurts
Student #1: One shouldn’t say anything one doesn’t know to be true.
Student #2: You’re ugly.
Smarties
Girl #1: Hey, can I have a Smartie?
Girl #2: No, are you like an Airhead? You can have a Dum Dum though.
"Like"
Teacher: You guys should, like, try to like, refrain from using the word “like”. It’s really, like, unnecessary, and like, makes you look, like, unprofessional. Like, in the workforce, like, who would hire, like, a person who talked like this?
Student: Abercrombie and Fitch.
Depression
Girl: Why is everyone depressed lately? Is it the weather?
Boy: No; its my underwear. It's depressing the nation.
Boyfriends
Girl #1: My parents won't let me have a boyfriend until I'm married.
Girl #2: That's okay. You can have boyfriends after you're married.
Bathroom break
Girl to teacher, after taking a drink from water bottle: I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: You need to go to the bathroom and you're still drinking water? That makes sense.
Boy: She's emptying the bottle so she can use it.
Trainer
Boy 1: You know who's really hot? The trainer. I once got injured so I could go see the trainer.
Boy 2: Last time I went to the trainer, he was male...
Prevarication
Teacher: Why are you smiling?
Student, proudly: Because I just farted!
Teacher: You need to learn how to prevaricate.
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